She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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