i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
