dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
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