Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
