that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
