hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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