I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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