Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
She told me I should be a condom model.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
