You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
