never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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