broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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