is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
