she looked like the before picture.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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