my vag is so smooth its legendary
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
