she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
