Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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