She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
