you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We just shotgunned beers for America
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
