This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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