I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Boobs are out for the taking
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
