he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
