Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
