Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
that may or may not have been my penis.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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