i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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