Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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