is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
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