wanna go halves on a baby?
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
