What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
