I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
