Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Randomize
