i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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