I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He better not be in your backpack
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
