It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
