i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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