The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
