believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
