What a fucking waste of an outfit
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
