Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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