3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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