one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
