I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize