Small penises have feelings too.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
