we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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