I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
