Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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