Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
