do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
