i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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