I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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