Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
