Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
