adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
