Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
