Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
